I think we can all agree that there are multiple perspectives to any problem. For instance, a homeowner may come home to find a hole in their window and a key piece of evidence: a mango torn asunder. Then there is the offender—the one who threw the mango. His story is rather complex because he was actually stealing mangos from the tree outside the house, but fell from the tree and accidentally sailed a mango through the window in his descent.

Then there’s the perspective of the neighbor. She heard something rustling in the tree next door while she was watering her plants. The rustling got desperate at one point, then came a sudden blast, a loud thump, an audible curse, and frantic footsteps. The perspectives could continue: the surveillance system, the dog, the guy who drove past the crime scene as it happened. You get the picture.

So too it is with sexual misconduct in America. In this post, I will acknowledge the perspective of the victim of sexual abuse from an individual level. I will also address the perspective of the potential offender of sexual misconduct from an individual level by offering three preventive steps.

Before we begin, you probably noticed that I am using the terms sexual abuse and sexual misconduct separately here. I see sexual misconduct as a broad set of misuses of human sexuality, with sexual abuse being just one of them. I will attempt to tackle both of these terms from an individual level. So let’s first start by acknowledging sexual abuse from the perspective of the victim.

Your Pain Is Real

I think it must be said as soon as possible that the pain the victim is experiencing is real. We all need to come to grips with that. Some may doubt the veracity of the allegations set forth by the victim, but even if they are not telling the full truth, their accusations come from a place of real trauma. Family of origin, childhood abuse, and many other forms of abuse could all play into their suffering.

If you are experiencing such trauma, hear at least one voice today that agrees with you in saying that your pain is real. Some of those closest to me have experienced emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. And sometimes people have the audacity to dismiss their hurt. Your pain is real. I believe you.

Please Get Help

So if you are experiencing the pains of abuse, please see a clinician as soon as possible. Counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are not just for “crazy people.” Even some very healthy people see a counselor just like they would see a doctor for an annual check-up. Mental health professionals understand the complexities of the human mental space and can assist you in navigating your own. If doctors are part of your trauma and you don’t trust them, what if you brought along a trusted friend who knows your story?

Another way to get help is to report what happened to you. Many victims of sexual abuse are so traumatized that they don’t know what to do. They fear being disbelieved, shamed, or even being punished. Please don’t wait to report what happened. Go, and even allow a friend to accompany you. Get this into the light as soon as possible.

Now, please don’t hear me say that reporting abuse is an easy option. Reporting abuse will resurface trauma and can cause severe consequences. But I do want to emphasize the need for justice in the area of sexual abuse and I believe the victim is the best witness.

I once worked at a restaurant and sustained a painful injury. I was afraid to report it and told myself that I just needed to be stronger. Then the pain got worse and it was hard to continue doing the tasks I was assigned to do. When I finally requested worker’s compensation, the powers-at-be presented a difficult case against me: I had no incident report and no mangers knew about what happened to me. This created a long several months of unnecessary documentation, phone calls, and headaches.

Similarly, reporting the abuse early in the process can help your case later on. It will be scary and it will likely be painful. But I encourage you to report as soon as you can to create the paper trail you will need.

Another Perspective

Now let’s look at sexual misconduct. You may be wondering why a blog series like this one is on Creat-Moteo’s page. Creat-Moteo seeks to fulfill the Great Commission and inspire creative disciples. One of our core functions to be a discipleship hub for creatives. I affirm that sexual misconduct in the Christian culture is first a discipleship issue on the individual level.

In this series, I hope you will begin to see that sexual misconduct even affects your creativity. I encourage you to think outside the box and make steps to prevent falling into sexual misconduct.

So, what are at least three ways we can prevent sexual misconduct?

1. Practice regular time with Jesus.

President Danny Akin of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary encourages church leaders to protect their “intimate daily walk with Jesus” in order to remain pure in their ministry to Christ’s church. This, friends, applies to all of us—both men and women, and leaders and non-leaders alike. Sexual misconduct always begins at the individual level. It starts with a slow decline of intimacy with God that eventually leads to diminished integrity behind the scenes. So practice regular and genuine intimacy with Jesus through prayer, reading his Word, scripture memory, and more.

2. Be honest about your humanity.

Tony Morgan writes, “[stories of moral failure] remind me that I’m one stupid decision from being in the same situation …. But they also remind me that we need to be taking intentional next steps to protect our marriages, our families, our leadership, our ministries, and most important, the health of our souls.”[1] The first thing to note about Morgan’s comments is the fact that we should be honest about our humanity. None of us should ever think we are too good for a moral failure, and none of us are impervious to mistakes.

3. Set up systems of accountability.

The next thing to note about Morgan’s comments is that we need to take intentional and protective steps. One intentional step you can take is to create systems of accountability. We should invite others into our lives to help us stay on track with holiness. I text a close friend almost every day, and I also have a policy of minimal time alone with minors and with women who are not my wife. What would your systems look like?

In this post we’ve acknowledged the trauma that victims of sexual abuse are facing. We’ve also looked at the individual level of sexual misconduct and investigated three preventive measures we can put in place. What other measures might you add to this list?

Notes

[1] Tony Morgan, The Unstuck Church: Equipping Churches to Experience Sustained Health (Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 2017), 61.